maybe i shouldn't take existential cues from fortune cookies. yet its amazing how much weight i put in those funny little strips of paper, carrying them around in my wallet like they're words from God himself. imagine the look of utter dismay a few weeks ago when i opened one only to find it was empty..EMPTY?!?!? i hope the 8 year old sweat shop fortune stuffer in some third world country is proud of his little prank. as the emaciated little brat gnaws on an old piece of shoe leather trying to extract some nutritional benefit, i hope he takes pleasure in the emotional distress that i was put through due to his carelessness. he'll probably never know the amount of pain i suffered that day...
imagine the scenario..upon filling myself to the point of gluttony, and still only halfway finishing my honey seared chicken, i allowed lupe the dish girl to come and throw the remainder in the trash, then went back for what must've been my 5th cup of tea. after adding the amount of zero calorie sweetener necessary to achieve the perfect balance i returned to my table. i then opened said fortune cookie to find absolutely nothing inside...i cried out in a gluttonous rage, "DAMN YOU SWEAT SHOP FORTUNE STUFFER!!!" and then i went home and cancelled my feed the children membership that i so faithfully contributed 9 cents a month to for at least 3 or 4 months. that's the last cup of rice they'll get from me!
and now i'm left here in a fortuneless existential funk. sure, i'm saving 9 cents a month, which translates into about $1.08 a year, but that $1.08 will never make up for the fortune i lost that day. you might think i'm being absurd, but without these fortunes my life loses all meaning. i mean, without these fortunes how would i know that i will one day accomplish what the force of many cannot? how would i know that a quiet evening with friends is the tonic for a long day, or that in dreams and in life, nothing is impossible? how would i know that nothing beats the egg rolls? that's exactly the point...i wouldn't.
god...why am i still up..